


Darkness - Ellie

by Hellokaelyn



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, little character appearances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 03:43:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16421774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellokaelyn/pseuds/Hellokaelyn
Summary: Without him, it started to consume her.





	Darkness - Ellie

Darkness.

It seemed to fill her senses, bury under her skin, spread throughout her body until she felt as if it would swallow her whole.

Darkness had become her companion these days.

All the lights were off in her apartment surrounding her in a different kind of darkness, the kind that didn’t sit in her heart. She sat in a corner of her living room on top of a pile of blankets that had become a makeshift bed.

It had been three months since she slept in her bed or even on her couch. Thoughts of him consumed her every time she did. Those nights that he would stay at her place when their movie nights went on too late, but the worse ones to remember were the nights he slept beside her in her bed. They both kept to their sides of the bed not mentioning the mornings where they found themselves wrapped in each other.

Friends didn’t do that.

_Friends_.

Ellie clutched her empty cup in her hand before throwing it across the room.

The sound of it shattering echoed in her ears but she had already sunk into her darkness once more.

Three months without him.

* * *

Another day of work. Another day that she had to sit and try not to stare at his untouched desk.

Some days she considered transferring or just quitting altogether. Anything had to be better then being tortured with his desk everyday. Only one thing had changed on his desk, the picture he once had of himself now sat in her desk draw.

Tim and Gibbs never commented on it and for that she was grateful.

They didn’t have to know she looked at it whenever she was alone.

“Gear up.” Gibbs said appearing in the bullpen.

His eyes were hard as he stalked towards the elevator,. Tim sluggishly grabbed his gear, his own eyes had lost their sparkle, barely appearing even when he was with his little family.

Ellie walked behind them, her gear seeming to weigh a million pounds.

She hated when they had a case. How could she be expected to go out into the world and save lives, bring people justice and closure...when she couldn’t even do it for herself.

* * *

Tim sat at his desk watching Ellie.

Her hair had lost its shine, it was hard to see but he knew she lost weight, bags were a constant under her eyes...but it was her eyes itself that worried Tim the most.

They looked dead.

He had seen her mask it when talking to witnesses or whenever else it was needed for the job, but it always sent a chill down his spine.

Tim watched Ellie slowly stand up as if it ached just to do so before she walked off towards the bathroom.

Once he saw the bathroom door swing shut, he got up and walked to Gibbs’ desk where the older man had been glancing at Ellie himself from the corner of his eye.

“We can’t keep letting this go on.” Tim whispered, leaning forward a little.

Gibbs nodded in agreement, looking as if he aged ten years.

“I know Tim, I know.” He sighed. “We tried everything to find him...but we damn well won’t stop trying.”

* * *

“Ellie, here.”

She barely glanced up as Tim placed a sandwich on her desk.

“Thanks.”

Ellie opened the sandwich and took a bite, small enough that she could get away with pretending to swallow and take another bite. Tim smiled a little that she finally ate a _little_ something before he walked away to check in with Kasie.

The second she was alone she spit out the food in a napkin and threw it all away, making sure to cover it in the trash with other things to keep from being found.

Right away she began furiously typing on her computer, her eyes focused.

She didn’t have _time_ to eat.

Ellie was on a mission to find Lorenzo Secada.

She’d find him and kill him, no matter if she found Nick dead or alive.

* * *

Ellie remembered when she hunted down Chen. Back then she at least had Clay on her side knowing he wanted to get Chen almost as badly as she did.

This time there was no Clay. She was on her own.

She knew Gibbs and Tim hadn’t given up on looking but they could live and move on eventually without Nick.

Ellie thought she knew pain and loss when Qasim left her and the world. She never thought anything could compare to that painful time in her life that blew Jake cheating on her out of the water.

Not having Nick, not knowing if he was still alive, surpassed the pain of losing Qasim.

How that was possible she didn’t know.

As Ellie stared at her computer screen, she felt her body begin to panic.

She took a breath.

_‘Breathe Ellie, breathe. You need to stay with me, you hear me? Breathe.’_

She let it out.

Nick’s voice was still ringing in her head hours later.

* * *

More time had passed.

Five months since Secada had taken Nick.

_Ellie ran down the twisting stairs to what looked like a hidden bunker, her chest felt heavy from all the running but she wasn’t allowed to stop. Nick had suddenly disappeared from view as the floor caved under him, she had tried shouting down at him but nothing, she had tried using her flashlight to see below but still she saw nothing._

_Her only choice was to call in for help and get below herself._

_She had just turned a corner when she heard loud footsteps._

_Right away her eyes locked on the group of men, two of which were holding up Nick carrying him away._

_She was outnumbered but had no choice as backup wouldn’t get there in time and Nick was unconscious._

_Ellie didn’t care for protocol at that moment. She took aim._

_There was only so much she could do having one gun while they had at least three._

_Ellie took one last shot._

_She had hit one of them._

_“Leave him!” One of them shouted._

_By the time Ellie was free from their returning gunfire, they were gone with Nick._

_It was only her, the guy she just shot and killed, and the needle of whatever they had injected Nick with._

_Ellie wanted to be mad at him as she dropped to the ground but how could she? Nick was strong and skilled but there was only so much he could do against five guys._

_They would find out who was behind this._

_Tears welled up in her eyes, a sob escaping her throat._

_She remembered right before the floor caved in Nick was teasing her with that tone that she knew meant he was flirting with her, his eyes sparkling as she tried not to burst into laughter at his ridiculousness._

_“Ellie.”_

_Ellie gasped and fell back, her hands bracing her fall behind her._

_“Qasim...what…”_

_Qasim who looked so real and alive standing in front of her smiled._

_“You’ll find him, Ellie. I believe in you.”_

_“How do you know that?” She blinked back tears._

_“Because I know you, because the stubbornness I seen when you looked for Chen. You tried that hard for me, which means I know you’ll try harder to find him.”_

_“What…” Ellie couldn’t wrap her mind around this. Qasim was here somehow, and hinting that she’d try harder for Nick then she did for him? “I don’t understand..”_

_“He means more to you then I ever did, Ellie.” Qasim bent down so he was eye level with her. “Nick is a good guy, he’s the one you’re supposed to be with.”_

_Ellie shook her head. “But…”_

_“I know you were going to say yes.” Ellie breathed in a shaky breath as he continued. “I learned that things happen for a reason, we weren’t meant to spend the rest of our lives together because you’re meant to be with Nick. Even when we were dating I could see something between you two, you’ll find him Ellie because your story together isn’t over yet.”_

_Qasim started to blur._

Ellie woke up drenched in sweat and her heart pounding in her ears.

* * *

It was almost six months when Ellie found one of Secada’s men, which led her to where Secada was.

“What do you mean I’m not going?!”

Ellie stood in front of her desk. Not only were Gibbs, Vance and Tim standing in the bullpen but so were Jimmy, Kasie, and Jack. But she didn’t care.

Both Gibbs and Vance had just told her she wasn’t allowed to go with them to search Secada’s hide out for Nick and take him into custody. Anger spread through her body.

“I’m the one who found the information! You wouldn’t even have his location if not for me!” She shouted.

“I understand that, Agent Bishop.” Vance said. “But I know you’ve had a hard time-”

Ellie scoffed, Director be _damned_.

“Bishop, you’re too close to this.” Gibbs told her.

“And you and Tim aren’t?!”

“Not the same way you are.”

“No! I’m going!”

“This is an order, Agent Bishop.” Vance said sternly. Ellie clenched her jaw.

“I don’t give a damn about your order!”

Jimmy and Kasie took a step back, exchanging worried looks. Jack had her hand to her mouth, but looked ready to step in if needed. Tim’s mind kept flashing from the moment in front of him to Tony and Ziva.

“Agent Bishop!”

“Bishop…this just proves you’re too close-”

Ellie felt herself snap. “I know I’m too close!” She yelled. “You think I don’t know that my feelings cloud my judgement?! The thing is, I don’t care!”

“I love him.” They all seemed to freeze at her words. “I love him...and I never got to tell him that! So you’re damn right I’m too close!”

She didn’t let them say anything else as she stormed away straight for the stairs not having time for the elevator. Gibbs and Tim wasted no time in following.

Vance sighed like the weight of the world was on his shoulders as he watched them.

“I hope this has a better ending then last time.”

* * *

Secada was surrounded by NCIS Agents, but the amused grin never left his face.

“Took you long enough.”

Ellie bit the inside of her cheek until it bled.

The second he started reaching for something behind his back, Ellie fired.

Shouts of ‘gun!’ echoed as other Agents started shooting.

She was already taking off down the hall shouting his name.

Her voice felt hoarse by the time she threw open one of the doors at the end of one of the halls.

Nick was in the corner slouched over, blood not only surrounding the floor around him but covering him too.

“Nick..” Her voice broke as she rushed over, taking his pulse.

He was alive.

Ellie sobbed.

She heard steps behind her and didn’t have to look to know it was Gibbs and Tim.

Tim said something about the paramedics coming but she didn’t hear any of it clearly.

Ellie dropped down not caring if his blood got on her.

“Nick..” She sobbed out, a little laugh of relief leaving her when she saw him twitch in response, his eyes fluttering open. “I love you…”

His eyes weren’t completely focused but they were on her, the corners of his mouth lifting the best they could.

She knew he heard her.

As paramedics rushed in to take him to the hospital, Ellie stayed by his side with his hand in hers whenever she got the chance.

In the ambulance hearing his heartbeat steady, his hand in hers, seeing his chest rise and fall, she didn’t care about anything but him.

Finally Ellie felt the darkness slowly start to slip away.

**Author's Note:**

> I was originally going to have a not happy ending as I wrote this as an outlet, but no matter how bad I'm feeling I can't leave them on an unhappy note.


End file.
